New role, new boss and new ways of working. To add, my first-born started big school this month with a new routine to juggle alongside existing second-born nursery. I am wrecked. Since the day I stepped up to take on new responsibility, I haven’t stop. There is no space for doubt, only room to get going. September is the month of transition and personal growth, just as how we are gliding through summer to autumn.
I’d like to think that September is the month of beginning when we can expect a fresh start instead of the end of summer. But, staying positive with can-do attitude amidst work overloading can consume so much energy, both physically and mentally. There are expectations coming from everywhere and so much to do with so little time. Big school and nursery with strict drop off and pick up schedules by default have narrowed my weekday schedule, making it challenging to draw a line between work and life.
Every new encounter is a discovery. Just this week I was late by ten minutes to pick my daughter from school. She was the last one sitting on entrance steps when I arrived. Overwhelmed with mommy’s guilt, I broke down in tears. Being late was not intentional. I left work an hour half early thinking to surprise my little girl only to be let down by unreliable public transport link. Stuck on a bus feeling helpless and useless, I learned that we often missed allocating room for error on expectation we imposed to ourselves. Reality is, there will always be factors which are beyond our sphere of control.
Fundamentally, business exists in perpetuity. It would be naïve to think that taking on a new role within an organisation is linear. There will be areas to gradually let go before welcoming new ones. This means assuming two roles at once is inevitable. Supporting successor to succeed our previous role is as good as helping ourselves to move on. As a result, the longer we hang on, the slower we adapt to new world.
So, work was running as usual without any active handover. On one hand, my ex-team couldn’t move on without a successor. On the other, my new team expects me to start right away seeking for answers I have no idea about. I’ve asked for support but eventually, it’s all down to self-management.
I learned that no matter how murky a situation can be, establishing boundary with reasonable timeline is imperative. We need to keep moving forward by equipping ourselves to face what’s to come, i.e. my new role starts now. The fact that someone will gain and someone will lose means fulfilling everyone’s expectations is impossible. Spreading ourselves too thin can only generate half-cooked results and potentially let someone down. Therefore, a time-bound handover makes perfect sense.
Time is precious.
Someone once told me that she has a lot of respect for new mothers who try to juggle parenthood and professional priorities. So much to do with so little time that the only way to succeed is self-discipline and time management. What if I say I am still striving to find the extra time for myself even though I start my day on time or earlier if not everyday? Stick to the core with no second left for nonsense yet switching on my work laptop every night after tucking my children to bed. The unfinished jobs remained unfinished.
Is it because of poor self-discipline or bad time management, I have no idea. Somehow others thought I have moved the needle while inside, I am beating myself up for half-done jobs.
The mix of new adventure and routine didn’t seem to gel. New adventure is unpredictable whereas the latter is as expected. It would be daunting and draining to live in volatility. All I am after is to stabilize abnormality so that I can plan my life. Transition is an abnormality because one capacity does have a breaking point. The good news is that transition is only temporary. New adventure is a challenge, or else why bother signing up for it?
September is only the beginning. It is hard, draining, and time consuming in general. Yet, I am finding every reason to invigorate my purpose. I have chosen to step up in advancing myself and will stand by this. September is the month of transition, and I am fully aware of this and purposefully exhausted.
Photo by Jessica Fadel