I am everything and everywhere. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my past, reviewing my present, and projecting my future. Cumulatively, it seems like I have a lot to do, but have yet to achieve any. I find myself a dreamer more than a realist, which totally contradicts with my pragmatic profile.
Occasionally, I visualise myself being an artist. I take pride in my artwork despite if they may not be as professional as I expect them to be. Well, I am a self-taught artist. You can check out my portfolio here. I thought a lot about being a full-time artist. However, I am not sure if I am able to turn my hobby into a full-time job. I am envious of those who can. Likewise, I own a blog. Would I be able to turn my so-so blog into a money-generating blog? Eventually, I accepted that drawing and writing are just my hobbies. Once I turn them into full-time money turned machines, I guess they would be chores more than hobbies I enjoy doing.
I am a full-time professional marketer. The funny thing is, I do a bloody good job of marketing my organisation’s products. I can’t tell if I am motivated by a salary or a career path or both. Reflecting on my last year’s work achievements, I wonder why I find it so hard to promote what I do. What am I inferior to? Was it because of my childhood encounters that I am constantly desperate for approval in order to feel confident? If I am not proud of what I do, how am I supposed to market myself, let alone my artwork and blog?
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”
Norman Vincent Peale
At work, I receive compliments from time to time and usually they’re caught by surprise. Mainly because my approach has always been to give my very best – there is no point doing if not. My peers in Asia used to call me a tiger woman. Even though I feel like one on the inside, I’d never acknowledged the title. I read many start-up and entrepreneur stories and aspire to be an entrepreneur, but no guts to be one. I am not good enough or lacking something. There is always an excuse for it. Like writing, I adore writers who use domineering words to heighten their writing standards. Can I do the same?
Am I a dreamer or a realist? I think a lot about my past and how I can shape a better future. The thing is I am loaded with what if… thoughts instead of committing to making at least one of them come true. My friends couldn’t believe how I saw myself. At present, I am just everything and everywhere. Or shall I say everywhere but nowhere?
