For many professional women, the mental load isn’t just about remembering school spirit days or managing the household chores. It’s the invisible weight we carry into the office—and lately, for many, that weight has become a crushing pressure.
When you are a working mother, your time is your most precious commodity. You trade hours away from your children for the promise of professional growth, financial stability, and personal impact. But what happens when that trade feels like a losing bargain? What happens when you are working under a leader who doesn’t just lack vision, but actively erodes the foundation of your team?
The Anatomy of the Messy Leader
The struggle often starts at the top. A leader who is a people pleaser takes directions from her peers than standing on own ground. Without a clear mission, every task feels like a shot in the dark and a total mess. For a working mother like me who lives by efficiency, this dartboard style of management is exhausting.
When I chose to return to my career after having my children, I knew there would be a mental load. I expected the juggling of school runs and spreadsheets. What I didn’t expect was the sheer mental pressure of a workplace where direction is mere guess.
Living in the Mind-Reading Era
Lately, my workday feels like a mind-reading game. My manager relentlessly talks about the importance of priority. At the same time, she forwards emails labelled as priority, throws all functions in a room out of the blue and expects everyone to orchestrate at own pace and interpretation. It is as good as Picasso splatting paint on a wall and observes how they land. Eventually, the random built-up made every project becomes a priority until suddenly abandoned for a new whim. For someone like me—who has to be incredibly disciplined with my time just to make it to 6 PM pickup, this lack of structure is more than just annoying; it’s a theft of my resources.
I find myself constantly second-guessing: Is this what they actually wanted? Why wasn’t I told about that meeting? The lack of transparency feels like a deliberate barrier, making an already demanding life feel nearly impossible.
The Culture of Favouritism and Fear
Perhaps more damaging than poor decision-making is the emotional toll of favouritism. In an environment where rewards are based on familiarity and common topics rather than output and merit, motivation doesn’t just dip. It disappears.
As a professional juggling a family, I do not have the luxury of playing political games or engaging in performative busyness. When biasness takes over, the workplace becomes a theatre of:
Discontentment: When transparency dies, gossip thrives. People fill the communication gap with speculation and resentment.
Dishonesty: When a manager lacks the guts to protect their team or stand up to upper management, the staff learns that honesty is a liability. People stop sharing ideas because they know they won’t be defended.
Demotivation: People begin to do the bare minimum not because they are lazy, but because their spirit is tired of fighting a losing battle.
The Mental Pressure of the “Second Shift”
As a working mother, this negative atmosphere doesn’t stay at the office. Unavoidably, I bring that burden home. Despite physically present at the dinner table, my mind replays that passive-aggressive email or worries about the lack of support on my next project.
The pressure from an awful manager is gaslighting. It makes me question my competence. I wonder, “Am I failing, or am I being failed?”
Finding My Way Forward
If you find yourself in this position like me, know that your frustration is a rational response to an irrational environment. I have chosen to protect my mental health and practised a few approaches to reclaim my peace:
Set hard boundaries: Since the work lacks structure, I create my own. Define what I can realistically achieve and stick to my log-off time.
Document everything: In a world of poor transparency and bias, paper trail is my best friend.
Find my tribe: Connect with peers who see the reality for what it is. Validating each other’s experiences can prevent the isolation that toxic managers rely on.
Audit my future: I frequently ask: Is this a season or a permanent climate? Perhaps the most professional thing I can do for my career and family is to look for an exit toward a leader who appreciates my time and talent.
I am more than my job, and I am certainly more than my manager’s inability to lead.
Photo by Austin Distel