Start writing again.

Is it time for self reflection yet? Initially, I am so over about doing self-reflection. Motherhood got me stuck in a daily set of routine that I turned self-reflection into thoughts that touch and go from my mind. Honestly, I have a lot to say. Just couldn’t find the time to write them all. Oh, how I wish there is a tech gadget that could record my thoughts invisibly. Then I am able to revisit these thoughts whenever I want and structure them into a good storytelling piece. Yes, like the last Black Mirror The Entire History of You episode with a little tweak replacing history of events with thoughts, so that I could rewind these thoughts and start writing again.

Motherhood routine is now an auto-pilot situation where I no longer feel stuck. Instead, I learned to embrace the routine as part of my life. At my current life, I am still trying to further adapt my used-to-be interests and get them back on track. Not easy considering the need to remove self-imposed barriers or excuses. I want to get back to gym, Pilates, drawing, painting, and more importantly writing. Indeed, I get emotional when I am not able to achieve all that I set out to do. When is ‘me’ time? I sob.

Well for one, allocating an hour of gym a week is a good start. That includes shower, recover, and get back to motherhood and work routines after. The rush was initially exhausting, but eventually I decided to keep everything simple. Ready gear, pack simple, and less is more by burning more with key gym activities instead of playing with all gym equipment. In the end, I created a set of gym routine that fits into my current routine.

I am also getting back on track with my art interest. Although spending 3 hours a day on a partial painting is no longer feasible, I channel my crave to draw on a notebook with various pens and pencils. Yep, back to basics it is! With just a notebook and a pen/pencil case, I am able to carry them with me and sketch whenever and where ever I want. The set up does not consume much time that enables me to start, stop, and continue at anytime.

Finally, writing is the toughest one. Thoughts scatter everywhere at odd times, especially when I am neither ready nor in the mood to write. I got myself a journal book and tried putting my thoughts into words first thing in the morning since last month. I lost my interest in restructure and reposting them on my blog after some time. Well, no time. What’s the point when I am unable to share those thoughts on my blog immediately? Unlike drawing, writing requires technique even to start. The starting point is key to the rest of content after. Drawing on the other hand can start even with just a dot on a blank paper and end with an art piece of a million dots after.

I am envious with other courageous writers who’ve braced through thick and thin in producing great pieces with strong discipline. I want to do the same, every day if possible. Each time a writer publishes something, I read their work with awe. At the same time, I am aware that the number of posts published on my blog has cut down tremendously since 2021. Indeed, I feel sorry, guilty, and wasteful for not making the best out of my blog with richer content feed for my readers. More so, I feel the pinch even more when someone reads my posts and gave a ‘like‘. The pinch triggers me to revisit my old posts, and somehow it ignites my will and determination to write even more. Oh, did I write that? How did I come up with that?

Deep down, I want to be that person again. It may take a little longer, but I should get back to that track no matter what.