Between the 6:30 AM school run, the back-to-back strategy sessions, and the mental gymnastics of keeping a household running while scaling a career, I’ve had plenty of time to contemplate the mental load we carry. In the high-stakes world of professional leadership—and the even higher-stakes world of raising a family—one question keeps echoing in my mind: The myth of why real respect can’t be gifted?
It’s a staple in leadership journals, but for those of us striving to ‘have it all‘ as a professional woman, a mother, and a wife in a dual-career household where both jobs are a handful, it’s more than just a quote. It’s a survival strategy. In an era of instant gratification and viral success stories, we have to ask ourselves: Do we still believe that achievement should be hard-won?
I know I do. Because, much like a well-raised child or a thriving department, you can’t rush the process if you want a result that actually lasts.
Leading without a ‘soft launch‘
Take Margaret Thatcher, for example. As a woman navigating the heavily male-dominated political landscape of the 1970s and 80s, she didn’t have the luxury of a ‘soft launch‘. Serving as Britain’s first female Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, she spearheaded a period of radical social and economic change that redefined a nation.
She was polarising, yes, but she was also a masterclass in earned credibility. She didn’t demand respect because of her title; she commanded it because she was never afraid to stand in the heat of the fire.
- Unapologetic Ideology: She didn’t pivot her core beliefs just to please the room.
- Grit: She oversaw massive shifts in the British identity with a steady, often iron-clad hand.
- Perseverance: Her legacy wasn’t handed to her on a silver platter; it was forged through years of being the iron lady in a room full of people waiting for her to fail.
As a professional woman, I find her journey incredibly grounding. It reminds me that the respect I want from my colleagues (and my kids!) isn’t a gift. It’s a byproduct of showing up and delivering when things are difficult.
The shortcut vs. the foundation
In both the boardroom and at home, I’ve noticed there are generally two routes to any milestone:
1. The easy achievement
This is respect handed out because of ‘who you know‘, a lucky break, or a fancy title that lacks the substance to back it up. It’s the authoritarian respect that comes from a position rather than a person. In my world, it’s the equivalent of a participation trophy. It feels good for a second, but it doesn’t sustain you during a crisis. It’s ephemeral and, frankly, a bit hollow.
2. The challenging achievement
This is the respect you get when you’ve been in the trenches. It’s the achievement that comes after you’ve successfully navigated a budget crisis while managing a family emergency. This route is exhausting, but it is rewarding and fulfilling. When you work hard to prove your worth, that achievement becomes part of your identity. It’s a foundation that no one can shake.
A note on the ‘lucky ones‘: It’s easy to look at those who seem to have things handed to them and feel a twinge of resentment. But here’s the truth: Time is the ultimate truth-teller. Those who don’t deserve their position eventually lose their footing because they never built the muscle memory of hard work required to stay there.
Why ‘given’ is temporary, but ‘earned’ is a legacy?
1. Leadership
Whether you’re leading a global team or a household of toddlers, it is built on a foundation of experience.
- Experience builds trust: When your team sees you handle a crisis with poise, they trust your judgment.
- Trust builds followers: People don’t follow titles; they follow character and track records.
- Credibility is long-lived: Anything given can be taken away by the same person who gave it. But what you earn through your own sweat and strategy belongs to you forever.
2. The myth of why real respect can’t be gifted?
I don’t become a leader by just signing an employment contract; I earn it by advocating for my team, hitting the numbers, and staying human in the process.
Stay the course: perseverance is the secret ingredient
The next time you feel like your hard work is going unnoticed—when the promotion goes to someone with better connections or you feel like you’re failing at the ‘having it all‘ balance, take a deep breath.
Perseverance pays out on a delay. Just because you aren’t seeing the earned respect in your bank account or your job title today doesn’t mean you aren’t building it. You are creating a foundation of credibility that will outlast any shortcut.
Bottom line: Respect and achievement are earned, not given. So, keep your head high, keep your coffee strong, and keep moving forward. The most fulfilling victories are the ones you had to fight for.